- FelciaLast year my oldest child, a daughter, graduated high school. It was a wonderful time of celebration and excitement for our family. She was homeschooled but we homeschoolers know how to throw a party! We had a full graduation ceremony and reception with other homeschoolers and their families and it was a blast.But then came August. I’ll never forget the morning that our first-born child left our snug, tiny home to embark on her first year of college across the country.One word: Tears. Lots and lots of tears. Buckets of them to be exact. She hugged her twin baby brothers goodbye; one of them teared up and the other did not (not unusual for him!). That wasn’t too bad to witness. But then she went to tell her sister goodbye. That, my friends, was agony. I don’t recall ever seeing my youngest daughter cry that much in her entire life up to that point. I think they stood there and hugged each other for about 15 minutes straight. Talk about wreaking havoc on a mama’s heart.We flew her up to Boston, her father, our oldest son, and I. Remind me to never take a 7am flight again. That was the worst, mainly because we live nearly two hours away from the airport. We rented a mini-van, because ALL the college stuff, and drove to Walmart on move-in day. We bought everything to outfit her dorm that she needed and even a few decorative things. I haven’t shared this before, but you know how God’s timing is utterly perfect? Jeremy had received a bonus on that week’s paycheck that covered her dorm outfitting costs to nearly the penny. God is so good and so gracious.Saturday night, after she’s all moved in, it’s time to say our goodbyes. Can I just say that in 20 plus years of knowing my husband I have never seen that man cry as much as he did saying goodbye to his baby girl? That was something to behold. Next, her brother said goodbye and then it was mama’s turn. In that moment you experience a myriad of emotions. You wonder if you did your job well. Did I love her well, did I point her to the Lord, did we do this, or did we do that? All of those thoughts wrapped up in every bit of hope and excitement you have for her future. It was a hot mess, really.And then I had to let go.There’s a saying that I came up with a long time ago; “The word “Smother” is only one letter away from the word mother.” I definitely have had to work on letting go and not smothering from afar this past year. It has been very difficult at times and I am certainly no expert. I’ve only had one kid leave home so there are definitely more moms out there with much more wisdom than I could possibly offer. Maybe I can be of more help after the 4th and 5th kiddos leave the nest, lol. But what I can tell you is that there is peace in knowing that this daughter we raised, is moreover, a daughter of the King. She is HIS. And his eye does not leave her. When my eyes can’t see her, His always do. There is such comfort in that. There is a freedom I have kinda stumbled upon, and that is realizing that she now has to own her life. Her decisions, for better or worse, are hers. She has to live with the consequences, however good or bad they may be. She had some rough times her first year away, but she’s also made some very mature and tough decisions as well. In letting her go, I realize it is a gift to let her figure things out on her own. Of course we are there for her when she needs advice and wisdom, but ultimately she knows that she has to be the one to decide what to do. She’s what I call a “Kiddult.” Age-wise, yes a legal adult, but maturity-wise, still very much a kid. I don’t say it to patronize at all. It’s really just the stage of life she and many other 18-19 year olds are in. Old enough to make some life-altering decisions, but not necessarily wise enough to navigate them all alone yet. She’s getting there. Heck, I’m still getting there some days!She just flew back to school for her sophomore year a couple weeks ago. I can honestly say that I did not shed any tears this time and she only shed a few herself. It’s been a much easier transition this time with her leaving home and I am thankful for that. I’ve been told the second year is better and the homesickness she had last year will be gone, which makes me happy and sad all at the same time. You moms know what I mean. However, this was the task set before us: to raise children that will grow into adults that are confident enough to leave the nest and make a life of their own. She went to the doctor today for the first time by herself. You know what? She survived, I survived, lol. Imagine that. I wanted to be there with her and to tell the doctor what my diagnosis was (because of course I had already googled it and I just know that I’m right J). She didn’t need me to be with her though, and I’m learning to be ok with that.Growing pains, I’m positive, are not just for kids.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, September 8, 2017
Learning to Let Go
Friday, July 7, 2017
5 Ways You Can Help Send Your Kids to Hell
Disclaimer: Unbelief is the only thing that sends people to hell. That's why it's so important that as Christian parents we are pointing our kids towards Christ. Part of that includes doing our part, according to scripture to train and parent them Biblically. It's not popular. It's not going to win you points with your friends, unless they are likeminded. It is however going to give you peace, when your parenting work is done, that you have done your best, though flawed, to point your kids to Christ.
First off, I'm pretty sure the title alone is enough to spur some conversation, but let me tell you, when this topic hit me in the face like a baseball flying through the air on it's way to a homerun, I figured you deserved the same wake up call as me...and I am all about the sharing.
So, some backstory...I have been working on some continuing education (CEU's) classes this summer, just brushing up on my teaching skills. Most of these I can do at home and so in the afternoons, the kids are pretty used to seeing me with ear buds and computer and think it's funny that I have to do summer school. They're hilarious.
I teach at a Christian school. We use Christian curriculum. We teach the Bible. No apologies. No floundering around those facts. So obviously, some of my CEU's are going to be geared around what God's word says. And boy....on this particular day...did they!
I was sitting in my cute comfy chair, listening to the lecture, minding my own business, when the speaker, who has taught for more than 40 years, said, "Eli's sons are burning in hell today because his father valued them more than he valued what God said." And there you have it. I hit the rewind key on my computer 4 times. I had heard right and I wanted to know more about this.
Now, I had heard this story many times before...but never put exactly like she put it, so I was interested to read the passage again in the Bible. Check it out at Bible Gateway . Ok....are you still with me? Y'all...this passage was so sad to me. Here Eli, pansied out of disciplining his sons because he valued them more than he valued God's instruction. So even though Eli talked to his sons about their sin, he did nothing to discipline or train them to do the right things. I wanted to rip through the pages of scripture and beg Eli to get his act together....to wake up and smell the coffee. He was playing around with God's people and God's house. His sons were out of control, rebellious, permiscuous, arrogant, disrespectful and the list could just go on and on and ....wait a minute.
Doesn't that pretty much describe kids today? Oh maybe your kids aren't going into the church and taking things that don't belong to them...but stealing doesn't have to be just stuff...it can be time or talents. And maybe your kids aren't promiscuous, but you allow them to watch all kinds of vulgarity and sexual sins on TV and movies and you don't monitor their social media accounts. Maybe what was cute at 2 isn't as cute at 14, when they are rolling their eyes, placing their hands on their hips and talking back. And what are we doing....as parents? Are we sitting idly by and telling them "no-no", "Johnny, you know you shouldn't do that", "don't do that", "you're gonna regret that", "lol I did that when I was your age...and worse"? and worse yet...parents blaming others for their child's behavior or attitudes. I have seen all of this play out before my eyes at one time or another.
So where did Eli go wrong? How did sons wind up spending eternity in hell?
1. Eli's sons did not know the Lord. Of course they knew about the Lord, but there was no real relationship with the Lord. Evidently, going through the motions was enough for Eli to believe he had done his job. (I Samuel 2:12)
2. And as the story goes, although they knew how to do various responsibilities in the church (tabernacle), they treated it with disrespect because there was no reverence for holy things. Eli even knew of this behavior and did nothing but verbally speak with them. (I Samuel 2:13-20)
3. Eli "kept" hearing from people about what his sons were doing. This implies that he was not ignorant to their terrible behavior but had been told time and time again. (I Samuel 2:22)
4. Eli had raised sons who would not listen to their father. (I Samuel 2:25)
5. Eli's words were not enough....disciplinary action was never given and as a result Eli was not able to rejoice over his children. Instead, he found himself in grave misery over the eventual loss of not only his sons, but of the blessings that God had intended over the house of Isreal during his lifetime. (I Samuel 2:26)
So what can we do differently as parents, to ensure our kids don't go to hell. Nothing and everything....Your kids have a free will and they will eventually choose for themselves...but God gives us clear instruction...black and white...on some things we can do that clearly contradict the methods that Eli used....take a closer look:
1. Relationship Relationship Relationship. During the early years of our children's lives a relationship is about knowing about God. We learn the stories of the Bible and we learn about miracles and prophets and all the good stories in His Word. But as our kids get older, it has to be more about a relationship...the saving relationship from our sins and then a growing relationship with our Savior. Learning to walk with Him, learning what He desires and valuing His directions from His Word...those are the things that we need to bind in our child's heart. You model and teach this by your own behavior.
2. We need to train our children to reverence the things that God says are holy. He calls us to holiness (I Peter 1:15), He is holy (Leviticus 11:45), our thoughts are to be holy (Phil 4:4-9), our worship is to be holy (Psalm 96:9)...And the list could go on and on and on....And I am asking myself along with you....what are we teaching our kids about holiness and reverence to God????
3. Eli ignored the warnings of those around him (I Sam 2:22)... God has placed people in my life that I've had this conversation with: "I want to know if you see or hear my kids doing something that is destructive to their life or the lives of those around them." Will it be hard to hear it?....YES. Will I be embarrassed?....MAYBE. Will I want to strangle my kids?....PROBABLY (if it's true). What I am saying here is...you need a few people around you that you're willing to listen to even if the news isn't good. You need the people around you who will tell you if they see your kids being unkind, rude, rebellious, promiscuous or destructive. And if you hear from those trustworthy souls....you need to take care of it. Ask your kids questions and then DO something about it if it's true. That's the training part...the discipline part. You've got to get in the game! Proverbs 27:6
4. Eli's problems started before this story. Eli had raised two sons who didn't listen to their father...and that didn't start at the tabernacle or the promiscuous behavior. It probably started much younger...because these were established habits. It might be something cute when they are little ...like a "talk to the hand" kind of statement from your 4 year old...but let's face it moms and dads...at 15 that same hand up in the air isn't quite so cute. Momma Nancy gave me some great advice when I was pregnant with Savannah. "Don't allow at 2 what you won't allow at 15." There's some truth to that. Chew on it for a minute.
5. Realize that God will take action when he has had enough. Oh He is so merciful to us, but there comes a time that when we have embraced lazy parenting, an undisciplined home, an unholy lifestyle, a disregard and lack of respect for HIM, that He moves on and gives those blessings to others...look at who the sons were replaced with...Samuel...a son that was given to Hannah, a barren wife, who was willing before the birth of her son to promise him back to the Lord, as His servant. Through Samuel, God blessed the nation of Israel. He left things better than they were before.
Parents...let's get it together. Let's quit making everything else more important than a relationship with the Lord and a holy life. Let's quite ignoring the warning signs from others and the Holy Spirit, when we sense our kids are in trouble. Let's raise respectful children who have been trained to listen to their father's (both earthly and heavenly) instruction. Because God forbid, that we don't leave this world better because our children are in it....God forbid, we send them to hell because we are more worried about social status, being their friend and how it looks to everyone else. God forbid. God forbid.
Let's change the story together...
Gina
First off, I'm pretty sure the title alone is enough to spur some conversation, but let me tell you, when this topic hit me in the face like a baseball flying through the air on it's way to a homerun, I figured you deserved the same wake up call as me...and I am all about the sharing.
So, some backstory...I have been working on some continuing education (CEU's) classes this summer, just brushing up on my teaching skills. Most of these I can do at home and so in the afternoons, the kids are pretty used to seeing me with ear buds and computer and think it's funny that I have to do summer school. They're hilarious.
I teach at a Christian school. We use Christian curriculum. We teach the Bible. No apologies. No floundering around those facts. So obviously, some of my CEU's are going to be geared around what God's word says. And boy....on this particular day...did they!
I was sitting in my cute comfy chair, listening to the lecture, minding my own business, when the speaker, who has taught for more than 40 years, said, "Eli's sons are burning in hell today because his father valued them more than he valued what God said." And there you have it. I hit the rewind key on my computer 4 times. I had heard right and I wanted to know more about this.
Now, I had heard this story many times before...but never put exactly like she put it, so I was interested to read the passage again in the Bible. Check it out at Bible Gateway . Ok....are you still with me? Y'all...this passage was so sad to me. Here Eli, pansied out of disciplining his sons because he valued them more than he valued God's instruction. So even though Eli talked to his sons about their sin, he did nothing to discipline or train them to do the right things. I wanted to rip through the pages of scripture and beg Eli to get his act together....to wake up and smell the coffee. He was playing around with God's people and God's house. His sons were out of control, rebellious, permiscuous, arrogant, disrespectful and the list could just go on and on and ....wait a minute.
Doesn't that pretty much describe kids today? Oh maybe your kids aren't going into the church and taking things that don't belong to them...but stealing doesn't have to be just stuff...it can be time or talents. And maybe your kids aren't promiscuous, but you allow them to watch all kinds of vulgarity and sexual sins on TV and movies and you don't monitor their social media accounts. Maybe what was cute at 2 isn't as cute at 14, when they are rolling their eyes, placing their hands on their hips and talking back. And what are we doing....as parents? Are we sitting idly by and telling them "no-no", "Johnny, you know you shouldn't do that", "don't do that", "you're gonna regret that", "lol I did that when I was your age...and worse"? and worse yet...parents blaming others for their child's behavior or attitudes. I have seen all of this play out before my eyes at one time or another.
So where did Eli go wrong? How did sons wind up spending eternity in hell?
1. Eli's sons did not know the Lord. Of course they knew about the Lord, but there was no real relationship with the Lord. Evidently, going through the motions was enough for Eli to believe he had done his job. (I Samuel 2:12)
2. And as the story goes, although they knew how to do various responsibilities in the church (tabernacle), they treated it with disrespect because there was no reverence for holy things. Eli even knew of this behavior and did nothing but verbally speak with them. (I Samuel 2:13-20)
3. Eli "kept" hearing from people about what his sons were doing. This implies that he was not ignorant to their terrible behavior but had been told time and time again. (I Samuel 2:22)
4. Eli had raised sons who would not listen to their father. (I Samuel 2:25)
5. Eli's words were not enough....disciplinary action was never given and as a result Eli was not able to rejoice over his children. Instead, he found himself in grave misery over the eventual loss of not only his sons, but of the blessings that God had intended over the house of Isreal during his lifetime. (I Samuel 2:26)
So what can we do differently as parents, to ensure our kids don't go to hell. Nothing and everything....Your kids have a free will and they will eventually choose for themselves...but God gives us clear instruction...black and white...on some things we can do that clearly contradict the methods that Eli used....take a closer look:
1. Relationship Relationship Relationship. During the early years of our children's lives a relationship is about knowing about God. We learn the stories of the Bible and we learn about miracles and prophets and all the good stories in His Word. But as our kids get older, it has to be more about a relationship...the saving relationship from our sins and then a growing relationship with our Savior. Learning to walk with Him, learning what He desires and valuing His directions from His Word...those are the things that we need to bind in our child's heart. You model and teach this by your own behavior.
2. We need to train our children to reverence the things that God says are holy. He calls us to holiness (I Peter 1:15), He is holy (Leviticus 11:45), our thoughts are to be holy (Phil 4:4-9), our worship is to be holy (Psalm 96:9)...And the list could go on and on and on....And I am asking myself along with you....what are we teaching our kids about holiness and reverence to God????
3. Eli ignored the warnings of those around him (I Sam 2:22)... God has placed people in my life that I've had this conversation with: "I want to know if you see or hear my kids doing something that is destructive to their life or the lives of those around them." Will it be hard to hear it?....YES. Will I be embarrassed?....MAYBE. Will I want to strangle my kids?....PROBABLY (if it's true). What I am saying here is...you need a few people around you that you're willing to listen to even if the news isn't good. You need the people around you who will tell you if they see your kids being unkind, rude, rebellious, promiscuous or destructive. And if you hear from those trustworthy souls....you need to take care of it. Ask your kids questions and then DO something about it if it's true. That's the training part...the discipline part. You've got to get in the game! Proverbs 27:6
4. Eli's problems started before this story. Eli had raised two sons who didn't listen to their father...and that didn't start at the tabernacle or the promiscuous behavior. It probably started much younger...because these were established habits. It might be something cute when they are little ...like a "talk to the hand" kind of statement from your 4 year old...but let's face it moms and dads...at 15 that same hand up in the air isn't quite so cute. Momma Nancy gave me some great advice when I was pregnant with Savannah. "Don't allow at 2 what you won't allow at 15." There's some truth to that. Chew on it for a minute.
5. Realize that God will take action when he has had enough. Oh He is so merciful to us, but there comes a time that when we have embraced lazy parenting, an undisciplined home, an unholy lifestyle, a disregard and lack of respect for HIM, that He moves on and gives those blessings to others...look at who the sons were replaced with...Samuel...a son that was given to Hannah, a barren wife, who was willing before the birth of her son to promise him back to the Lord, as His servant. Through Samuel, God blessed the nation of Israel. He left things better than they were before.
Parents...let's get it together. Let's quit making everything else more important than a relationship with the Lord and a holy life. Let's quite ignoring the warning signs from others and the Holy Spirit, when we sense our kids are in trouble. Let's raise respectful children who have been trained to listen to their father's (both earthly and heavenly) instruction. Because God forbid, that we don't leave this world better because our children are in it....God forbid, we send them to hell because we are more worried about social status, being their friend and how it looks to everyone else. God forbid. God forbid.
Let's change the story together...
Gina
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Gather Around
Some of my best childhood memories are those where my family--me, my younger brother, mom and dad--were gathered around the dinner table. That table, coincidentally, is still the table my parents gather around today. Oh the stories the table could tell! I've already told my parents I want the table when they die. I think they thought I was joking, but I am not.
Even "back in the day" my brother and I were involved in multiple school activities. Like most high schoolers, those activities kept us going from morning until after dark some nights and even weekends. I seriously don't know how we made it without cell phones. My mom must've spent hours in her car just waiting for us to finish so we could go home! Regardless of how crazy the days schedule, my parents made sure we ate dinner together almost every evening. The food wasn't what brought us together but the daily connection we had talking about the good, the bad and sometimes the really ugly throughout our day.
I never knew how important those times meant to me until my husband and I started our own family. We discussed our desire to have this intentional time of connection around the dinner table. So as a young married couple we'd attempt to eat a meal I, as a young bride with minimal cooking skills, had prepared (some nights were more successful than others!) and talk about our day. We found out that first year this meal time conversation also worked over fast food if my meal wasn't executed as planned!
When kids came along our meal times sounded more like a battleground than conversations:
"Sit down!"
"No, we don't put our feet on the table while we're eating."
"Rolling olives up our legs is not something we do at the table."
"Yes, you do have to eat all your green beans or yes, you WILL be eating them for breakfast!"
Our kids have gotten older and there are less battles, although sometimes the green beans still cause an issue. Occasionally, we're surprised by more meaningful conversations involving questions that have been on their minds or a detailed recap of the day. Other nights it can be pretty quiet because, let's face it, some days are just hard and by dinnertime we're tired and feel defeated. The point is, we're together and we're hopefully building a stronger family in the process.
I want to know in this age of technology and busy schedules, how do you stay connected with your family? Dinners? Game nights? Take a minute and share your ideas in the comments below.
Jaime
Even "back in the day" my brother and I were involved in multiple school activities. Like most high schoolers, those activities kept us going from morning until after dark some nights and even weekends. I seriously don't know how we made it without cell phones. My mom must've spent hours in her car just waiting for us to finish so we could go home! Regardless of how crazy the days schedule, my parents made sure we ate dinner together almost every evening. The food wasn't what brought us together but the daily connection we had talking about the good, the bad and sometimes the really ugly throughout our day.
I never knew how important those times meant to me until my husband and I started our own family. We discussed our desire to have this intentional time of connection around the dinner table. So as a young married couple we'd attempt to eat a meal I, as a young bride with minimal cooking skills, had prepared (some nights were more successful than others!) and talk about our day. We found out that first year this meal time conversation also worked over fast food if my meal wasn't executed as planned!
When kids came along our meal times sounded more like a battleground than conversations:
"Sit down!"
"No, we don't put our feet on the table while we're eating."
"Rolling olives up our legs is not something we do at the table."
"Yes, you do have to eat all your green beans or yes, you WILL be eating them for breakfast!"
Our kids have gotten older and there are less battles, although sometimes the green beans still cause an issue. Occasionally, we're surprised by more meaningful conversations involving questions that have been on their minds or a detailed recap of the day. Other nights it can be pretty quiet because, let's face it, some days are just hard and by dinnertime we're tired and feel defeated. The point is, we're together and we're hopefully building a stronger family in the process.
I want to know in this age of technology and busy schedules, how do you stay connected with your family? Dinners? Game nights? Take a minute and share your ideas in the comments below.
Jaime
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Is Your Religion Pure?
James 1:27- Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world
I have enough trouble coping with the schedules of my kids, a crazy dog and a preacher husband....there are piano lessons, Walmart trips, ballgames, school stuff, church activities and more...and without the help of my husband and the occasional rescue girlfriend who can help with a pickup or drop off...I would struggle...BIG.TIME.
So I can't imagine what the single parent goes through. Think about it...kid sick, flat tire, air-conditioning out, lawn needs to be mowed....whose shoulders does that fall on???
Nearly 1 in 4 children are being raised in single parent homes. Recently, I asked my single parent Facebook friends to respond with their greatest fears or worries in raising their kids.
Their responses were as follows:
* responded that they were worried about the lack of relationship between the father and his children.
* responded that they were concerned for the safety of their children when with the other parent.
* responded that they were worried that they would not be able to provide basic needs for their kids.
* responded fear about CPS stepping in at any time as a concern.
* confessed worrying about whether or not they were enough as a mom for her sons.
* was concerned that her sons would not know what it was like to be real man, a father in the future.
* responded with anxiousness about whether they would fulfill God's destiny, serve Jesus
* said they were worried they couldn't be everything their child needed them to be
In a world were 25% of homes are led by single parents, I wonder if there isn't something different that we could be doing to help meet some of these needs. And before someone says, well the root of this is unstable families, divorce, weak marriages...let me assure you, that after years of counseling to help preserve God's institute of Biblical marriage, I know that single parent homes are inevitable. There are so many reasons there are single parent homes...let me give you a few:
- infidelity, in all ways...physically, emotionally, mentally
- pornography (see above)
- abuse, in all ways
-unplanned pregnancy
-abandonment
-free will and choice
-disagreements
-death of a spouse
And I can assure you that most couples that give up on their marriage, had one person in that marriage that wanted to fight harder to save it, wanted it to make it, wanted restoration. But we all know, if both parties aren't willing to give it everything, restoration is impossible.
So this is a judgement free zone...because this isn't really about what the single parents are doing or causes for divorce.
It's about what we can do to help them do what they do.
I'm convinced that these hardworking parents could use someone to come along side and help in some tangible ways...and maybe if we start dialoging we can become part of a solution, a partnership with parents who are doing their best to provide in all ways for their kids...just like us. It's kind of our common denominator.
God's Word commands the church (Christians...doesn't matter your church affiliation...only your heart affiliation) to care for the widows and the fatherless....and I can't imagine that doesn't include the widowers and the motherless (James 1:27). God knew there would be situations where there would be single parents. He also made a way for their needs....all their needs...to be met. So what are we doing? What are we doing to meet the needs of the fatherless and the motherless children that we know? It's our responsibility. It's a command. If we don't do it, we are disobedient. We sin.
So after some research, a list has been compiled of some practical ways you and I can help the single parents we know (no doubt this list is not exhaustive, so if you want to add to it, leave a comment and let us know what you're doing or if you're a single parent and someone has done something that has helped...let us know!)
1. Pray for God to make you sensitive and unselfishly discerning of the needs of single parents. (Since He commands this...if we are sincere in our desire...He will show us...because He doesn't withhold himself from those who diligently seek Him)
2. Obey His command (here's a few ideas, just in case you need them)
* If you provide a service, let the parent know. Many times single parents feel lost when emergency situations arise, so if they have a list of reliable mechanics, air-conditioning repair services, pediatricians, nurse friends...then its less stressful for them. They aren't expecting a free handout (although...if you feel led, feel free), just less stress in finding someone trustworthy
*Provide a list of your favorite babysitters.
*Pay for their child to do something extracurricular. Maybe a kids camp, or an Upwards program, or an art camp, or piano lessons. While a single parent might never ask for a handout, their kids sometimes don't have the advantage of extra things because of finances.
*If you're an older person, partner with the single parent as an encourager, a mentor, a cheer leader. Invest in the hardworking adult.
*Send them a birthday card, a valentine, a Christmas gift. Chances are until their kids get older, someone will need to step it up if the parent will be remembered.
*Be a good role model....one of the chief concerns was from mothers who fear their sons will be lacking because of the lack of a father figure in the home. Could you spare some time or share some time with the son of a single mom? Some of these connections can happen with your own kids, just including another.
*Model good marriages. Let's face it...these marriages ended for a reason (some even death) and if we are going to manage to hold marriage in high esteem, we need to model good and godly marriages.
*Be excited about serving the Lord and others. Don't complain. If you serve them, don't act like its a bother. Serve with joy. Nobody likes a begrudging gift giver.
*Provide anonymously for school supplies, new school clothes, shoes, backpacks...another way those who have already raised their children can help. You remember how expensive it is to raise and provide for kids!
*Be a safe place for your single parents families to come to in a time of emergency. Let's face it, domestic violence, natural disasters, lightning storms and power outages happen. Sometimes these things are overwhelming and knowing you have a friend to go to is not only helpful to the children involved, but to the parent who may also be feeling anxious.
*Help when more than one of their children needs to be in one or more places.... transportation to and from activities can get hairy and sometimes a carpool situation can be a lifesaver.
*If the parent is widowed, provide a break, a few hours for him or her to run errands, change the oil, get nails done or TAKE A NAP.
*Encourage, high five and pray for these families. Can't hurt, can it?
Let's get behind these families and remember that God has a plan for them just like He does for your family. Sometimes we get so inwardly focused that we do nothing or we forget part of His plan doesn't include the welfare system or government to take care of them....but it does include the church caring for them. Let's get with His program and watch His plan unfold. Can you do something???
That's Their Story,
Single Parents from around the World
Their responses were as follows:
* responded that they were worried about the lack of relationship between the father and his children.
* responded that they were concerned for the safety of their children when with the other parent.
* responded that they were worried that they would not be able to provide basic needs for their kids.
* responded fear about CPS stepping in at any time as a concern.
* confessed worrying about whether or not they were enough as a mom for her sons.
* was concerned that her sons would not know what it was like to be real man, a father in the future.
* responded with anxiousness about whether they would fulfill God's destiny, serve Jesus
* said they were worried they couldn't be everything their child needed them to be
In a world were 25% of homes are led by single parents, I wonder if there isn't something different that we could be doing to help meet some of these needs. And before someone says, well the root of this is unstable families, divorce, weak marriages...let me assure you, that after years of counseling to help preserve God's institute of Biblical marriage, I know that single parent homes are inevitable. There are so many reasons there are single parent homes...let me give you a few:
- infidelity, in all ways...physically, emotionally, mentally
- pornography (see above)
- abuse, in all ways
-unplanned pregnancy
-abandonment
-free will and choice
-disagreements
-death of a spouse
And I can assure you that most couples that give up on their marriage, had one person in that marriage that wanted to fight harder to save it, wanted it to make it, wanted restoration. But we all know, if both parties aren't willing to give it everything, restoration is impossible.
So this is a judgement free zone...because this isn't really about what the single parents are doing or causes for divorce.
It's about what we can do to help them do what they do.
I'm convinced that these hardworking parents could use someone to come along side and help in some tangible ways...and maybe if we start dialoging we can become part of a solution, a partnership with parents who are doing their best to provide in all ways for their kids...just like us. It's kind of our common denominator.
God's Word commands the church (Christians...doesn't matter your church affiliation...only your heart affiliation) to care for the widows and the fatherless....and I can't imagine that doesn't include the widowers and the motherless (James 1:27). God knew there would be situations where there would be single parents. He also made a way for their needs....all their needs...to be met. So what are we doing? What are we doing to meet the needs of the fatherless and the motherless children that we know? It's our responsibility. It's a command. If we don't do it, we are disobedient. We sin.
So after some research, a list has been compiled of some practical ways you and I can help the single parents we know (no doubt this list is not exhaustive, so if you want to add to it, leave a comment and let us know what you're doing or if you're a single parent and someone has done something that has helped...let us know!)
1. Pray for God to make you sensitive and unselfishly discerning of the needs of single parents. (Since He commands this...if we are sincere in our desire...He will show us...because He doesn't withhold himself from those who diligently seek Him)
2. Obey His command (here's a few ideas, just in case you need them)
* If you provide a service, let the parent know. Many times single parents feel lost when emergency situations arise, so if they have a list of reliable mechanics, air-conditioning repair services, pediatricians, nurse friends...then its less stressful for them. They aren't expecting a free handout (although...if you feel led, feel free), just less stress in finding someone trustworthy
*Provide a list of your favorite babysitters.
*Pay for their child to do something extracurricular. Maybe a kids camp, or an Upwards program, or an art camp, or piano lessons. While a single parent might never ask for a handout, their kids sometimes don't have the advantage of extra things because of finances.
*If you're an older person, partner with the single parent as an encourager, a mentor, a cheer leader. Invest in the hardworking adult.
*Send them a birthday card, a valentine, a Christmas gift. Chances are until their kids get older, someone will need to step it up if the parent will be remembered.
*Be a good role model....one of the chief concerns was from mothers who fear their sons will be lacking because of the lack of a father figure in the home. Could you spare some time or share some time with the son of a single mom? Some of these connections can happen with your own kids, just including another.
*Model good marriages. Let's face it...these marriages ended for a reason (some even death) and if we are going to manage to hold marriage in high esteem, we need to model good and godly marriages.
*Be excited about serving the Lord and others. Don't complain. If you serve them, don't act like its a bother. Serve with joy. Nobody likes a begrudging gift giver.
*Provide anonymously for school supplies, new school clothes, shoes, backpacks...another way those who have already raised their children can help. You remember how expensive it is to raise and provide for kids!
*Be a safe place for your single parents families to come to in a time of emergency. Let's face it, domestic violence, natural disasters, lightning storms and power outages happen. Sometimes these things are overwhelming and knowing you have a friend to go to is not only helpful to the children involved, but to the parent who may also be feeling anxious.
*Help when more than one of their children needs to be in one or more places.... transportation to and from activities can get hairy and sometimes a carpool situation can be a lifesaver.
*If the parent is widowed, provide a break, a few hours for him or her to run errands, change the oil, get nails done or TAKE A NAP.
*Encourage, high five and pray for these families. Can't hurt, can it?
Let's get behind these families and remember that God has a plan for them just like He does for your family. Sometimes we get so inwardly focused that we do nothing or we forget part of His plan doesn't include the welfare system or government to take care of them....but it does include the church caring for them. Let's get with His program and watch His plan unfold. Can you do something???
That's Their Story,
Single Parents from around the World
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